My name is Po

by Jim Spahr

Well, after more than 40 years, I’m up here. And Jane, you are down there!

 My name is Po. A gift from my first granddaughter, Morgan. Thank you Morgan.

 “Po”, that’s capital “P” and a looooong “O”.

 And for the record, I was Po long before there were any wonderful gay Teletubbies!

 I bring you greetings from the Santa Rosa, California Presbyterian Church of the Roses. Know that every Sunday there will be several members of that congregation who will remember you in their prayers.

 And perhaps you of the Downtown United Presbyterian Church of Rochester, New York, will hold us in your prayers. Especially needed are your prayers that we may learn to become as inclusive as you so we may share the joys of leadership from all God’s kaleidoscopic children.

 I tell folks that I knew, almost from the “git-go”, that Jane was (and still is) lesbian. But in those very early days of our marriage I had no real understanding of what that meant. Neither did I have a basic gay vocabulary. I did not even know the words “gay” or “lesbian”.

 But I had been thoroughly schooled in hate language. I used “faggot” and “queer” in many shameful moments.

 As time went on and particularly following the birth of Jimmy and Chetty, I began to make deliberate efforts to learn all I could about lesbian and gay and just what part Jane’s being lesbian might play in our family.

 I also tell folks I knew Jane was lesbian before Jane knew she was lesbian.

 In one sense that was true. I learned before Jane that everything that was “commonly known” about sexual minorities was a lie.  But it was not long after that I understood that Jane knew from her self awareness “git- go” that she was different. She just did not have a label for herself or visible role models.

 As my understanding of Jane’s and my sexualities grew, it grew at a rate only slightly slower than my deepening respect and love for this incredible woman, this amazing mother and dearest friend.

 The trajectory of these multifaceted discoveries not only continued through the re-defining of Jane’s and my formal relationship, it continues to this day.

 In March of last year, 2006, Jackie and I accepted Jane’s invitation to attend the TAMFS biennial conference in Atlanta, Georgia. We not only cried enough tears to create a lake at the conference center, we realized that for 25 years we had denied ourselves participation in a church that was itself making the same discoveries I had begun to make on December 28th, 1964, the day Jane and Jim became sister and brother for life.

 Those who have known me since that time know the truth of my confession that had Jane not trained me, Jackie never would have had me.  Had I turned my back on Jackie’s freely chosen soul sister, Jackie would have turned her back on me.

 Thankfully that did not happen.  Standing before you today I am thrilled to be able to introduce a few of the members of our extended, blended and belly button family.

 First is the love of my life, my best friend, my partner, Jackie. And Janie, but you already know her well. Then Jackie’s Jane’s and my children, Rhonda, Jimmy and Chet’s partner Teresa, Grandchildren Morgan and Riley, niece Jill and my grandnieces (is that the first time you were called by that title?) Jennie and Cassidy.

 Many of our family could not make today’s service.  But I assure you I speak with the full authority of the entire family, belly button, extended and blended.  Thank you. To the members of the Downtown United Presbyterian Church of Rochester New York, thank you.

 For more than 17 years you have stood by and behind a cherished member of the Spahr clan.  In so doing you have affirmed our unqualified love for Jane.

 There is simply nothing, nothing I can say or do that would adequately describe the value of your contribution to our family.

 May God bless you. Thank you.  Thank you. Thank you.