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Amelia has two mommies May 10, 2006 |
There is an upper middle-class family that lives in a
modest split-level home on a quiet cul-de-sac in an average American
neighborhood. On the lawn across the street, a group of young neighbor
kids is playing ring-around-the-rosie (yes, apparently the game is still
alive), and the book "What to Expect the First Year" lies on the seat of a
baby stroller at the front door. It all would be so Middle America if it
were not for the fact that this west Petaluma family is comprised of
domestic partners Pamela Asselmeier and Lisa Krieshok and their adopted 8
1/2-month-old daughter, Amelia Pearl Krieshok."The experience was a rough one," Krieshok recalls, "the negative response that we got early on, feeling rejected every month when no one responded to our adoption pleas. It kind of rips at one's heart." Amelia, a plump, dark-eyed beauty with a happy disposition, came to the couple through the North Bay chapter of the Independent Adoption Center, which advocates an "open adoption" policy of voluntary communication between birth mother, adoptive parents and child. Bruce M. Rappaport is executive director of the IAC. His organization views adoptive parenting as fully on par with biological parenting, and does not discriminate against same-sex couples or single gays who wish to adopt. With some 4,000 successful adoptions, he says, "most of our birth mothers, even after 15 to 20 years, continue to have meaningful relationships with their child's adoptive family." Amelia's biological mother is an unmarried 22-year-old who already has two children, and because supporting them was a financial burden, she chose adoption. After reading Asselmeier and Krieshok's online profiles and "Dear Birthmom" letters, Amelia�s mother chose them because, according to Krieshok, "She told us, 'God told me to.'" Both women are in their mid-40s, introspective and soft-spoken. They have successful professional careers -- Asselmeier is a real estate attorney who serves on the Petaluma Planning Commission, and Krieshok, who is a graphic artist/illustrator, designed the poster art for the 2006 Butter and Egg Days Parade. "We've been together for eight and half years," says Asselmeier. "We're older, we've made our mistakes, and we know what we want and where we're going. And we were committed to growing a family together." The women first applied for an adoption three years ago. Then in August 2005, their lives changed suddenly and irrevocably with one phone call. Asselmeier and Krieshok dropped everything and headed to a hospital in Sacramento, where they met two-day old Baby X for the first time. "She was born on a Wednesday, we spent four hours with her on that Thursday, and we took her home on Friday," says Asselmeier. "When we were asked for a name for her birth certificate, we chose Amelia for aviatrix Amelia Earhart, a heroine, and Pearl, in honor of my grandmother." All in all, the process went relatively smoothly and, as Krieshok says, "We're so grateful we didn't have to experience what others have gone though, like traveling to China or Kazakhstan for extended stays and shelling out obscene amounts of money." Motherhood so far seems to be going swimmingly as well, and Kreishok calls "What to Expect the First Year" a valuable guidebook. Also, family, neighbors and friends have been helpful, caring and involved. At their "adoption finalization party," commemorating their sixth month of parenthood, about 40 guests attended, including Asselmeier's parents from Chicago and the baby's Kaiser Permanente pediatrician. Asselmeier is a "confirmed Presbyterian," and Krieshok calls herself an "ex-Catholic." Both women understand that there are others who may not approve of their relationship, including Krieshok's "very religious brother," who, along with his wife and children, nevertheless, dotes on Amelia. Says Asselmeier, "We might raise Amelia as a Buddhist, or some other spiritual belief based on morals and values that foster respect for the earth, all life and all people. These are the things that are really important, not someone's sexual orientation." Asselmeier's sentiment addresses the Catholic Church's recent opposition to same-sex adoptions. "It's heartbreaking and it angers me," she says, "when they say we are not good enough to adopt without knowing us. I think most people in Petaluma don't make such unrealistic judgments. Our neighbors knew us before as good neighbors and now they know us as good parents." The Rev. Dave Weidlich, pastor of Petaluma's First Presbyterian Church says, "We would absolutely welcome gay adoptive parents and their children in our church, Sunday School and school. That is our church's position, but I am also quite sure that our congregants would reach out warmly to the family." [email Rev. Dr. Weidlich] The pastors of Petaluma's St. James and St. Vincent de Paul Roman Catholic Churches were both unavailable for comment. However, Bishop Daniel Walsh, Diocese of Santa Rosa, issued a statement that read in part: "I do not condemn the good people who are attempting these adoptions or question their motives, but � one of the Church's requirements for baptism is that the child be raised in a Catholic family where the child can be educated and formed in the faith. In a same-sex union it is questionable whether this requirement can be fulfilled." Despite impending legislation in several states to ban such adoptions, 15.7 percent of lesbians and 5 percent of gay men in the U.S. plan to adopt in the next three years, according to a 2005-2006 online survey (www.glcensus.com) conducted by Syracuse University in partnership with OpusComm Group, an advertising and public relations agency. With little Amelia thriving, her two mommies are looking forward to their first Mother's Day together. "We're going to have all Amelia's honorary mothers and grandmothers over for brunch," says Krieshok, "to celebrate Amelia coming into all of our lives." |